07 May 2010

Mon., 3 May 2010

What I Ate so far: almond milk iced latte (90 cal); protein bar (170 cal); tuna salad: 2 small cans of white albacore, chopped kalamata olives, capers, red onion, red wine vinegar (~320 cal); protein bar (170 cal). (20 minutes before I leave the office as of this reporting. Hope I can make it without shoving anything else into my mouth.)

What I Plan to Do: stairs, 25 min; treadmill, 20 min.

I didn't go to the gym at all this weekend. I'm still working through my most recent funk and part of that is the realization my gym is having the opposite effect lately. Specifically, I go to the gym. Everyone there is under 30 (hell, probably under 25 for that matter), tan, already thin, most likely single and childless, and because they all look alike, I stand out even more for my pasty skin, over-35 and 2-kids spare tire, and bad hair. And I immediately start comparing myself to them and berating myself for not being more like them because dammit, never mind that I AM over 35 and have kids and bad hair and no time to lay on a tanning bed, I should be able to somehow change all that and miraculously still appear to be 25 and tan and childless and skinny.

Yes, I do know how ridiculous that sounds.

So this weekend, I just stayed out of the gym. I rode my bike. I walked all over the damn place with Bob during our bus adventure on Saturday. I got my nails done Sunday and tried to figure out how to get excited about working out again. Because I miss the way it used to feel. I miss that feeling of achievement, particularly after hitting a goal or even after just finishing a workout I thought initially I'd never make it through. I don't know what happened to it, but I want it back. (I also want to know who let all these hipster fucks get memberships, dammit.)

I've also been thinking a lot lately about my job in general. I'm more or less in the same boat I was six months ago and I've determined, it's not the job--it's the profession. I want to get out of law. But this economy sucks for any kind of field change and I don't know how to really go about it. So I filled out an application for the school district--yeah, $4M in budget cuts, doubt they'll call me anytime soon, but hey--someone's got to quit eventually, right? I just hope something comes along before I get desperate enough to become a lunch lady.

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